Some of the biggest players in our relationships are not even alive or real, but they have a tremendous impact nonetheless. People who shaped our conditioning, particularly our parents, are still a part of our relationships whether we realize it or not. Other people?imaginary ones?are also part of our relationships and influence them just as much as real people. People don?t have to be alive or present to affect our relationships, and at least when they are, we are aware of them. The trouble with the ghosts from the past and from our imagination is that we are often not aware of their presence or their impact on our relationships.
These ghosts are fantasies, memories, and other ideas about what the partner should or shouldn?t be like. It?s as if they stand between us and our partner and alter our vision of him or her, for good or for bad, because they can work either way.
Here?s an example of how this works: Let?s say your mother had a certain shape to her body, and you found her irritating. The woman you?re with has a similar shape. When you notice it, you feel turned off by it. This feeling of repulsion becomes your experience in that moment, so you conclude you must not love her and she must not be the one for you. Or it can work the other way: Your mother had a certain shape, and you loved her very much. The woman you?re in love with has the same shape. When you notice it, you feel love and conclude you love her and that she?s the one for you.
Source: http://www.radicalhappiness.com/all-blog-articles/299-the-ghosts-that-shape-relationships
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