IMAGINE: A man in your building who you don't know very well goes off on you. You didn't do anything wrong. You think: "This guy is an ASS." You go on your way, angry.
Let's look at the thought: "He's an ass." That may seem accurate when looking at it at first glance. Most people would leave it at that. However, there's another take that's a lot more happiness-producing and growth-producing: "He must be having a bad day."
Why do we do that? Make snap judgements that are global, everlasting and so personal? Turns out that knee-jerk response is very common: it's so common that psychologists have a term for it. It's called a fundamental attribution error: we attribute a permanent quality to others ("he's an ass,") when if it were the same behavior within ourselves we would excuse it as a "having a bad day."
What's more troubling is that thinking judgemental thoughts makes us feel worse about that person, not better. And everytime we see that person after that, even if they are nice, we will still be annoyed at that person! So now the only person suffering is US! So why do we do it, why "cut off the heads of others so we become taller?"
I have found that it's usually because of one of two reasons: 1. We don't think of ourselves so highly. If we did, we wouldn't need to attack others in our mind to make ourselves feel better. 2. We do it out of anger, in order to protect ourselves, a reaction that comes from years of using a push-back when we get shoved.
For me, I have been looking to change this behavior. If you're like me, and you want to change it, here's a mental technique I've been using: when we catch ourselves having a thought like: "she's a whiny bitch," or "he's an ass", find a reason to support them that's temporary: like, "she might have just lost her job," or "she might have just gotten into an argument with her boyfriend." Even if I get angry when I'm thinking of something impersonal, I'll still look. I only do this because I have seen a difference within me: It makes me feel better. One caveat is that the reason you come up with has to be something that YOU can feel compassion for (if it happened to you). If you can find that for others, that compassion will filter back to you as well. And you'll feel BETTER.
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HealthAndHappinessClub/~3/CePKCJpJM44/what-an-a-hole-or-not.html
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